Confessions from my bedroom

Oh how I wish this post was going to be as sexy as that title suggests!

But the truth is, the male figure lying next to me at night, is a 22 month old. And now, after a year of (mostly) happily sleeping by himself, my 4 1/2 year old has decided he wants to sleep with me too. So he's taken over the bottom of the bed.

Meanwhile, my husband is upstairs enjoying the solitude of having his own bed. In fact, my husband and I haven't slept in the same bed (except on a very rare occasion or two) since a few months after my first was born, so well over four years at this point.

I never even intended to be a co-sleeping parent. It all started because my first son was such a horrible, horrible sleeper. He would wake up screaming every 30 minutes to an hour. Co-sleeping pushed him closer to the hour mark. But my husband decided that there was no reason for us both to be woken up every hour, so he moved to the guest room. (Yes, there is a strong argument that he should have helped me at night, especially since I work full time too, but that is a topic for another time.)

He continued to be a horrible sleeper for a full 3 1/2 years. My husband took over sleeping with him when I was hugely pregnant with our second son. (Boy was that was a difficult transition!)

When the second came baby, I didn't co-sleep initially. I actually slept in a recliner because it was more comfortable for me at first, and the baby slept well in a swing. But then, we moved to a new house, he started teething, and he got too big to stay in the swing. I did try to put him in a crib, but he didn't sleep well. (And really, I strongly distrust cribs.) So, back to co-sleeping it was.

I generally don't mention to people that I don't sleep with my husband. I'm somewhat embarrassed by it. I know there are many who would tell me to kick the boys out of the bed and go sleep with my husband. In fact, some might say it is my "duty" (gag) to do so.

But you know what, my babies will only be little once. And right now they need me. And frankly, I need them. While I never, ever intended to co-sleep prior to having kids, I really do enjoy it. I like being close to them at night. I like knowing they are safe and sound right next to me. I like being able to respond to them as quickly as possible if they wake.

Don't get me wrong--I do look forward to a day when I will be able to sleep all night in a bed with my husband. And I really wish my four-year-old with get past this stage and go back to sleeping on his own. (This is probably payback for judging--unintentionally I swear--my friend who still sleeps with her 7 1/2 year old son.)

But I don't have the heart to make them sleep alone. I even rearranged the night time routine to accommodate. (I have to get the toddler to sleep BEFORE his brother is allowed to enter the room. Otherwise he thinks it is party time and takes for freaking ever to settle down and go to sleep.)

So, at what age do you cut the co-sleeping strings? I don't know. I guess it is different for every parent and child. I thought I had already done that with the four-year-old. My goal has been to get the boys to sleep with each other, so I could quietly move out. So maybe this will lead to that goal. But I also know that I will miss this terribly some day!

The situation does make it difficult for hubby and I to, umm, find alone time. But we do manage. And I should really make sure to manage more. I find myself putting all my energy into caring for the boys. It is really easy to sort of forget about hubby, or to just assume I don't have to put any work into our marriage, which of course I do. I'm truly trying to find a better balance, but it is hard!

I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear. That is the only "plan" that seems to stick.