Do You Spank Him?

Someone asked me during a conversation recently if I spank Kaden or give him time-outs. I guess the question rather surprised me and took me off guard. I mean, Kaden is only 16 months old.

She asked me the question after I mentioned Kaden has been throwing temper tantrums lately, even banging his head against things when he doesn’t get his way. I’m not going to punish him for that. He doesn’t yet know how to express his anger or frustration in any other way. It’s not like he can say, “Mommy, I am really angry right now”. I think the best way to deal with tantrums is to simply ignore them and, most importantly, not change my “no” to a “yes” or otherwise “give in” to what he wants after he throws a tantrum. He’ll eventually learn that tantrums do not get him what he wants and stop them. Or at least I hope so. If he’s still throwing them when he is older and better able to understand me and express himself verbally, then we’ll need to reassess how we’re handling it.

The only ways I discipline Kaden at this point are (1) telling him “no”, “stop”, etc., (2) taking something away from him (in cases where the item is involved in the negative behavior), (3) putting him down or stopping playing with him, (4) ignoring him when he throws a temper tantrum, or (5) holding him in my lap for a few seconds if he keeps doing something he shouldn’t do and I can’t distract him. That is as close to a time-out as I get. I suppose I could put him in his crib (which we never use) for a time-out, but how else could you get a 16 month old to stay in one place? I can’t say “Go sit in the naughty chair, Kaden” and expect him to listen. He is just too young.

The person who asked me about spanking and time-outs has never had children of her own, so maybe she really doesn’t understand where a 16 month old is developmentally. (She has step-grandchildren, but never raised children herself.) I certainly couldn’t have told you before I had a child of my own.

I am against spanking in general, but especially at this age (and earlier). There is no way he could understand why mommy was hurting him. I honestly just can not imagine laying my hands on him in that way. It almost brings me to tears just thinking about it. My disciplinary techniques will certainly change over time, as he ages and matures. I want the discipline to match the behavior and the child. I am not sure what techniques I will use exactly, and I certainly do not claim to be any kind of expert, but I have no plans whatsoever to use spanking for discipline.